10. Magic - Curse Breaking Techniques
Loosen a curse's grip through rewiring our responses.
Curses are similar to addictions. While they may seem qualitatively different on the surface, they are both types of responses and coping mechanisms for experiences of stress and trauma. As such, their operational and psychological functionalities are the same. The spiralling patterns of limiting thought induced by these old wounds do not usually exist in isolation – they can be accompanied by more material types of self-harm, as well as an incessant internal monologue. Though confronting and dealing with them can be exhausting, we can take simple steps to support ourselves in loosening a curse’s grip on our reality.
Because they often follow our most well-worn neural pathways, we have to first learn to notice, and then slowly and gradually, rewire our emotional and physiological circuitry, creating new routes of thought and response. Patience and honesty with self is a key part of this process. With help if needed, take note of your own negative thought patterns, and explore mapping them to any curses that may originate in your past experience, in your family history (otherwise known as generational curses), or broader cultural messages that have affected you. A trusted friend, loved one, or trained therapist might be necessary to help you see them clearly, and to encourage you to treat yourself with kindness when these issues arise.
Once you have identified these limiting patterns that no longer serve you, the next step is to become an observer of your thoughts. Take time to pause and process before reacting to any uncomfortable situation, implementing techniques that allow you to create space between trigger and reaction for conscious choice. Some basic techniques are described below.
Despite their apparent simplicity, these practices are both magical (shaping the future through intention-based action) and ritualistic (a series of actions performed systematically, to produce healing outcomes). They are also yours to define. As such, you can revise, add, or amend with any additional magical or ritualistic elements you wish in order to elevate the meaning, and therefore increase the effectiveness, of these practices for you.
· Critical reflection and compassionate curiosity – Mindful observation of your thoughts. Questioning whether your assumptions have basis in reality (1). If you notice familiar patterns of self-criticism, fear, or resentment arising, ask yourself: ‘Is this thought based in present reality or old programming? What evidence supports or contradicts this belief? What would I tell someone I love who was having this thought?’ Imagine your inner child is feeling this way, and offer the support and comfort to yourself that you would give to them.
· Arsenal of alternatives. While there is no shame in feeling bad, it is our own responsibility to try to make ourselves feel better - noting that this may include co-regulating with someone who makes you feel safe. When we are feeling low, doing something different can shift our energy and pull ourselves out of a psychological or emotional rut. Create a personal toolkit of technologies, practices and techniques that help you feel more grounded in your body, connected with community, the earth or nature, or otherwise calm and peaceful.
Sort them by time commitment, so you have options whenever you need them:
o 1 minute: lighting a candle or incense, reciting a mantra or affirmation, smelling an aromatherapy oil, flower or spice in the cupboard, drawing a tarot card, stretching or giving yourself a little massage or acupressure
o 10 minutes: making a cup of tea or cool drink, having a snack, texting a friend, playing a favourite song
o 1 hour: calling a loved one, writing in a journal, planning or wrapping up your day, going for a walk or getting fresh air, doing a puzzle, having a solo dance party
o Half a day: reading a book, watching a film or a show, seeing a therapist, having bodywork or a self-care appointment, taking a class, going somewhere nice, working on a project or doing something creative
o A full day or a weekend: the possibilities are wide open! Plan something that nourishes you—a retreat, dedicated time for a creative project, a special activity with beloved people.
Write these down and display them conspicuously, in an attractive way that pleases you. This is your arsenal of alternatives - an array of tools with which you can tackle your everyday struggles – that you now have to hand whenever you like.
· The flip side. Our inherited patterns often present us with a narrow and limited interpretation of ambiguous situations, and it’s usually the most painful one. When you find yourself in a negative self-talk pattern, practice considering alternative explanations or contrasting experiences. For example, if you think people are staring at you because you are ugly, consider if it could be because you are beautiful or striking instead.
A variation on this flip side technique could also help you create an imprint of a time when you did not feel this way: for example, if you feel forgotten or invisible, deliberately recall times when you felt seen and valued. Soak in the experience of those contrasting memories; notice the emotions and sensations they bring up. Do something to crystallise this energy internally – write things down, create art, take a photo, do a ritual. This will help you to connect more fully with other possible states of being, and return to them in the future.
· Mantra practice. If you identify with a particular curse, as described in the previous chapter, formulate a mantra to support the changing of your beliefs. For example, if you struggle with assuming everyone is against you, your mantra might be “I choose to notice the kindness I meet today.” A simple curse-breaking spell with which many are familiar is the following: if you are feeling insecure, write “I am enough” on a sticky note and place somewhere you will see frequently, such as on a mirror you use daily. Offering yourself new messages is a particularly effective spell and curse-breaking practice that can be varied as needed to challenge your old programming.
· Gratitude practice. While it may seem a bit cliché these days, cultivating a practice of gratitude for your life, in all its challenging complexity and simple pleasures, is a strong medicine against all kinds of curses, serving as a powerful counter-story for the inherited or learnt narratives in which it is us against the world. It is possible to notice, meditate upon, and otherwise make space for sources of joy, beauty, care and pleasure without dismissing the very real struggles we may be experiencing. Both things can be true.
Moreover, mystics throughout history have found meaning and even sacredness in both joy and suffering, understanding that our most difficult experiences often become sources of wisdom and compassion. If you can find thankfulness for the complex gifts and lessons of your precious life, and, without minimising the effects of grief, hardship and struggle, see the strength gained through directing willpower towards survival, you actively reject the oppression to which curses subject you, and the limiting stories that accompany inherited trauma. By cultivating more nourishing and supportive ways of relating to yourself and your experience, old patterns eventually shrivel from lack of sustenance, and lose their power.
There is never too small of a window of time for you to do something healing for yourself, to remind you that moods can be shifted, and things, even for a moment, can be different. When we have what we need to initiate and pursue processes that support our own healing, curses can be broken.
Note: The patterns described here represent potential responses to trauma and adverse experiences. If you recognise yourself in these descriptions and find that these patterns are significantly impacting your relationships or quality of life, consider seeking support from a qualified mental health professional.
References
(1) Maté, G. (2018) In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. London: Ebury.